Here's Our Baby!

Yea, I know it's hard to really tell, but one of those little things that looks like a bean in what looks like a black hole is our baby :-)

So like I said in the last post we went to the doctors expecting to see an empty sac. But lo and behold we saw our little babe growing right on schedule and it's little heart beating away. It was so beautiful.

The doctor was pretty surprised. She said I must have ovulated a little later, and maybe the baby was slow starting out (not surprising considering my husband who moves at the speed of a turtle). My due date is now October 9th.

We are so happy and thankful. I'm praying that that was our only scare for this pregnancy and it continues on track for the rest of the 9 months :-)

Friday the 13th... Go Figure

So on Friday I decided to call my OB to tell them about the side pains I've been having. Being the anxious person that I am I was worried about an ectopic pregnancy. They had room for me to come in that day to give me an ultrasound and an exam.

For some reason right before they gave me the ultrasound I had a horrible feeling. Something just wasn't right. My instincts were proven right once again when up on the screen popped an empty gestational sac, but no baby. My doctor told us (Apoorva came with me thank god) that she thinks it's a blighted ovum. My body is preparing itself for the pregnancy and the placenta is starting to develop, but the baby never started growing. Unfortunately my body isn't catching on very quickly because the blood tests they took show that my betas (pregnancy hormones) continue to double every 48 hours. Therefore while I know there is no baby my morning sickness and pregnancy symptoms are continuing to get worse. That's just a crule joke for nature to play...

I go back to the doctor today to see if maybe the baby was hiding or too small to see. But while I'm trying to have hope and faith that we'll see a little heartbeat today, deep inside I feel that we wont. Most likely we'll have to make the hard decision on whether to let my body naturally miscarry, which may take weeks, or to have minor surgery to help things along.

Life as I know it isn't so great today. All I can do is count my blessings and hope for the best.

I'm a Cry Baby

Man these pregnancy hormones are hitting me hard. I have been crying at a drop of a hat lately. A few days ago I started crying for literally no reason at all. We were watching America's Funniest Home Videos. I was laughing and then all of a sudden I was crying. I think it was because the clip had quadruplet babies who were laughing and it was just so darn cute.

Then last night I starting crying in the shower. At least this time I had a reason. I was all of a sudden missing my mom (she passed away when I was 15). I was thinking how I would really have liked to share this experience with her (the pregnancy, not the shower), and how she would be so happy. Also I was missing how she would know what to tell me when I was feeling nervous about the future.

Then, and I'm sorry if this is TMI, but right in the middle of some "quality time" with my dear husband I broke out crying for no reason. I was just overcome with emotion. I felt really bad and somewhat embarrassed.

This morning I was making Apoorva eggs for breakfast (I spoil him), and I burned my hand pretty badly on the pan. Normally I would swear up a storm and then move on. But today I just collapsed onto the kitchen floor and bawled. DH was about ready to take me to the hospital because he thought it was much worse than it actually was, because I was crying so hard.

What is so weird is that I'm just not a person that cries a lot. It's not a bad thing, it's just not me. I cry maybe a few times a year. For instance in the past 6 months I can think of three times, twice when my step-mom was diagnosed with cancer and once when Apoorva and I got into a big fight. It's just not me. So it feels so weird to be crying so much. Like I'm losing control.

Oh well, if that's what it take to make a baby I just have to deal with it. Well, more importantly I guess Apoorva has to deal with it :-) And I should count myself lucky I'm not having any bad morning sickness (I'm just a little nausous sometimes, but that's it).

Keeping Busy

So we've been here for a little over two weeks. Up until now I've been pretty satisfied with how things are going. We have everything we need to be comfortable here (furniture, internet, cable, etc). Apoorva has a routine down at his job. I've been exploring our town and the nearby Fort Wayne. We are meeting new people and have been going out once or twice each weekend so we haven't been holed up in our apartment all the time. My cats have made themselves at home along with us, as you can tell by this picture:

The only thing I'm not satisfied with is my job situation. I've decided it probably isn't a good idea to get a full time job with this pregnancy and the fact that I want to finish my Ph.D. So I've come up with two solutions to keeping myself busy, besides working towards finishing my dissertation. I think I should either (a) work towards getting my secondary teaching certifications or (b) start my own tutoring business.

There are pros and cons for both options:

(a) Getting my teaching certification would give me many options in the future. I've known I wanted to teach for awhile, I just thought it was at the college level. But the more I think about it the I think I really would enjoy teaching high school as well. This would also give me employment opportunities if I end up not finishing my Ph.D. The problem is that I have no idea how to go about getting my teaching licence or what I need to do or how much it's going to cost me. I don't want to spend a huge amount of money and I don't want to have to get a whole new degree.

(b) Starting my own tutoring business could be fun. I would get to teach on my own terms. It would get me out of the house and it would give me some spending money. The problem is that I don't know how much business I would get here, especially in this economic climate. It would require a lot of legwork in the begining, but I don't think I would mind.

Both of these options are good because they would give me a flexible schedule. And neither of these options should take up so much time that I wont have any time to work on my thesis. The problem is I don't know which one to choose! :-)

New Phase of Our Life

We're Pregnant!!!!

What a unexpected yet happy surprise! At the end of the year we decided that I would stop taking "the pill". The plan was to start charting (monitoring my temp, etc. in order to figure out when I was ovulating, or if I was ovulating at all). After about 6 months we would start actively trying, Lo and behold I get knocked up the first month off the pill!!! We found out on the 29th, and the baby is due the first week of October. We've been laughing because the baby was conceived in India and will probably be born in Indiana. We're calling it Indy for the time being.

Not much has changed yet of course. I'm not feeling too many symptoms, just a bit of nausea and fatigue. We also have decided not to tell anyone yet. We're going to wait for a few weeks, just in case something happens. I've spend too much time on www.thenest.com boards so I know that there is a possibility that this pregnancy may end in a miscarriage. But we're hoping and praying for a healthy and happy 9 months and a healthy and happy baby. My first dr. appointment is in another 6 weeks. I going to try and keep my anxiety to minimum until then, but I'm sure that's a hopeless task.

In other news, we've safely and successfully moved to Indiana. Everything is going well so far. We've been here about two weeks and we've got most of our furniture delivered, have our cable and Internet hooked up, and our cats have made themselves at home. We've met some friends through Apoorva's work and joined the local YMCA. It's starting to feel like home. I'm still looking for a job and trying to figure out how to finish my Ph.D. But hopefully things will work out in that department soon.

Here's a shot of our living room, which is my favorite room in the apartment. I'm kinda bummed we can't paint. White walls just leave rooms looking unfinished and bare. But I love my new furniture and it's so comfy! I think it'll look better when I get curtains and some artwork up.

I don't know how I'm going to get my but to the gym tonight. I'm so exhausted! Maybe after I pick up Apoorva I'll take a quick nap before we head to the gym. At least I don't have to worry about making dinner tonight. I made it this morning in the slow cooker :-) I love just putting all the ingredients in there and just leaving it to cook all day! It also makes the house smell really good. Tonight it's chicken and dumplings :-)