Playing the Waiting Game...

So, as I’ve mentioned before, Apoorva is from India, and is still an Indian citizen. Since he married me he is eligible for a Green Card, which is basically permission from the US government to live and work in the US. Long story short, because of legalities and logistics, we decided to try to get the Green Card before leaving for India. The problem is that it is taking longer than we had originally thought.

All of the documentation has been in for awhile. We are working with a lawyer, so things are going as smoothly as possible, but working with the government to get anything done always has the possibility to be slow and frustrating. The lawyer had all but promised that we would have the papers we needed by now, but apparently the US Citizen and Immigration Services office slows down considerably in the summer. This has caused Apoorva to ask for a delay in his start date at Johnson & Johnson. While they have allowed a 1 month extension until August 1st, we are not sure they will give him another one if becomes necessary.

Delaying our trip isn’t the frustrating part. It’s actually helpful because we have more time to pack and sell off all the stuff we don’t want to put into storage. It’s the complete and utter uncertainty that’s getting to me. At this point it’s possible that we may not even go at all. Then where will we be? Neither of us had anticipated this, especially considering our lawyer’s optimistic attitude, and therefore have not been looking for jobs in the US. Our lease ends in July, so where we would go after that is uncertain. We have enough savings to cover living expenses for quite awhile, maybe even a year, but we had hoped to spend that on paying off student loans or as a down payment on a house. Not food and shelter...

We really have no idea how to proceed. It is impossible to tell if we will actually get our paperwork in time. I cannot figure out if we should assume that we will and continue to pack and prepare for our trip, or if we should assume the worst and start looking for jobs in the US. Either option has its problems, so I’m left paralyzed by this decision and end up doing nothing at all. Add the feeling of being unproductive to uncertainty and you get a very depressing combination.

We are traveling to Boston tomorrow to speak to someone in the USCIS office, hoping that they will be able to give us some indication as to when, if at all, we will be able to leave. However at this point I will not let myself be too optimistic. Even so I cannot help getting my hopes up whenever I check the mail, only to have my heart fall into the pit of my stomach again as I realize that yet again, there is no news. Whoever said no news is good news is full of shit. I’ll take any news over this waiting game!

Saying Goodbye to People, Places, & Pets

This past weekend Apoorva and I traveled to Central NY to say goodbye to my family. This was also the trip where we dropped off my two cats, Widget & Fidget, at their temporary home. We packed them up in their crate and drove 5 & 1/2 hours to Ithaca, NY. For the first hour of our journey they meowed, but after that they seemed to have accepted their fate and settled down, only demanding attention once in awhile. We got to the pet sitter’s house, a nice young woman named Diana, and the cats promptly ran and hid behind the nearest piece of furniture. I of course bawled like a baby. Didn’t actually get to say goodbye really, since they refused to come out of hiding. However that was to be expected and I had given them big hugs before putting them in their crate at home.
After that we traveled to Cortland to have dinner with my long time family friend, Darlene, and her daughter Bethany. We exchanged pictures from the wedding and ate at a favorite childhood restaurant. While I understood that I would not be seeing them again for another 6 or 7 months, I was not able to really grasp that bit of information, so the goodbye felt like all the others before it, when I knew I would be seeing them in a few weeks.

This was the first goodbye of the weekend and the way I handled it and the way it affected me was truly shocking. I expected for it to be more emotional, more meaningful in a way. And yet I was as calm as can be. On the drive up to my parents’ house I tried to figure out why that was. Did I just not care? Am I heartless? Do I have messed up priorities since I cried like a toddler when I had to give up my cats but when saying goodbye to friends I have no emotional response whatsoever?

I don’t think any of the above applies to me. I think I just have not let the fact that I am leaving for more than half a year sink in yet. Giving up my cats was an immediate event, and therefore I had an immediate reaction. I dropped them off and they did not come home with me, and I knew it and could digest that and therefore I responded by being sad. However we don’t even know what date we are flying out yet. Leaving for India seems far into the future, and not yet real. I have a hard time having an emotional reaction to something that seems so surreal and impossible.

We spent Friday & Saturday night at my parents place. It was nice spending some quality time with them. The last time we were there was the week of our wedding, and there were other people visiting so we were unable to have some one-on-one time. In family tradition, the India trip was not discussed much and no heart-felt conversations took place, but it was nice just the same. Apoorva and I set up Skype and a new webcam on dad’s computer, so while we are in India we can communicate for free, and see each other too! It’s a pretty cool program, and it has worked really well so far.

Sunday we spent the day at my grandparent’s house with the rest of my family having our traditional Sunday dinner. That afternoon, as people began to leave, a few of my aunts broke down and started to cry, as well as Laurie, my step-mother. I again I had that same non-emotional reaction. This time I actually felt guilty. How can everyone react the fact that I’m leaving, but I cannot? I must be emotionally disfigured or something.

It was not until we left central NY Monday morning that I started to feel the least bit emotional. I have yet to cry or anything, but I did start to feel a sense of loss. However it left me feeling even worse about the situation, the fact that I had more of a reaction leaving my pets and familiar places rather than saying goodbye to the people I love the most. I expect that I will not be able to avoid these emotions much longer, and the sense of loss will soon catch up with me.